Finding Your Village: Supportive Motherhood in Modern Times

We’ve all heard the phrase “It takes a village.” But in my motherhood journey — and in conversations with other moms — I often find myself asking: Where is that village?

My sister and I have talked about this many times. Was there ever really a village, or is it just a romanticized phrase — an idealized version of family life? Did the families on Little House on the Prairie truly have a village? What does needing a village actually mean, and more importantly, how can modern moms find one?

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These are questions worth pondering. Motherhood is one of the most beautiful vocations a woman can have. It’s filled with rewards, but one truth rarely spoken about is that it can also be incredibly lonely, especially in young motherhood. Moms need support — emotional, physical, and spiritual. Asking for help isn’t a weakness. It’s a strength.

Why Modern Motherhood Feels So Lonely

We live in a fast-paced world. At times, I feel like life moves so quickly I can barely catch my breath without physically moving. We are more connected than ever through technology, yet somehow more disconnected in real life.

Social media can create the illusion that no one needs help. Young mothers post adorable photos of their babies dressed in sweet outfits, and everything appears picture-perfect. But behind those photos are sleepless nights, tears, and feelings of overwhelm.

Becoming a mother is a huge life change. A little soul now depends on you for everything. Fathers help, but many are away at work, leaving stay-at-home moms with the bulk of daily responsibilities. It’s a season full of joy but also challenges, and many moms hesitate to ask for help as there is a flawed mentality that they should be able to do it all. Some are blessed with family nearby, but many are not — and even when family is close, a true village goes beyond just relatives.

My Early Motherhood Story: Searching for Support

When I first had Drew, we were living in Florida. Many of our college friends had already moved away, and I never thought to build new connections for support. That first month was hard. Drew refused to breastfeed, my mom lived far away, and we even moved in the middle of it all. I remember feeling deeply isolated, which spurred the move. Fortunately, we were able to live with my family in Maryland for 6 months before we bought a home in Virginia. This was blessing I didn’t fully appreciate at the time. Looking back, I realize how much support matters when entering motherhood.

Shortly after we became parents. We were clueless!

In Virginia, my husband worked long hours to build our finances. I was often alone with Drew — and then soon after, Samantha. Having two under 16 months was exhausting. At that stage, children are completely dependent, and it was overwhelming. I tried connecting with mom groups, but real support and regular check-ins were missing.

When Samantha was born, not a single meal was brought to us. By the time Kateri arrived (yes, three kids in three years! – read that story here.), we were a little more established at our parish and received a meal train, though it was sporadic. A college friend heard I was nearby and dropped off dinner and baby clothes. That simple act of kindness meant so much. She knew exactly what a young mom needed.

I wish someone had told me to reach out to other parishes, or to ask if teens could come help during the day — gaining family experience while fulfilling service hours. I occasionally attended La Leche League meetings, but I wish I had been more open about needing help. Even so, Paul and I survived those years. Young moms are resilient, but we shouldn’t have to do it all alone.

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Building a Village in a Busy World

The truth is, many of us don’t live in towns where neighbors casually stop by or lend a hand. If villages did exist they certainly are not handed to us anymore— they have to be intentionally built. Thankfully, there are creative ways to do this:

Use technology wisely. Ask a friend to set up a meal train or gift card rotation after a new baby arrives – this way even long-distance friends can lend a hand.
Find accountability partners. Choose one or two close friends to check in with regularly by text or phone call.
Limit social media reliance.Instagram and Facebook groups may spark ideas, but they often fuel comparison and overwhelm. True support comes from real, in-person relationships. Even if you remind yourself that Instagram isn’t real, it can still quietly affect your subconscious. Facebook mom groups, too, can become an overload of information, pulling your attention away from what’s right in front of you. Walk the social media line carefully. Focus on making genuine connections with people who have lived—and are living—the same life you’ve chosen.
Seek local connections. Call parishes, community centers, or homeschool groups to ask about family programs, childcare swaps, or support circles.

A real village is made of real people who care — not likes or comments on a photo.

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How We Finally Found Our Village

Eventually, we realized Virginia wasn’t meeting our needs. We made the drastic decision to sell our home and move in with my parents in Maryland (again), even though it meant a longer commute for Paul. At the time, I didn’t call it finding a village — I just knew I needed help, and I knew where I could find it: near my mom.

This move changed everything. Not only did I have my family’s support, but we also connected with a wonderful homeschool group. Over time, we formed deep friendships, and this became our village.

When our later babies were born, meals flowed in. When the kids needed playmates, I always had friends to call. And when I lost my mom, two dear friends came into my home while I was away, cleaned my house, and stocked my fridge. Even now, I tear up with gratitude thinking about how cared for I felt in that moment.

A Word of Encouragement for Moms

If you’re in the thick of motherhood and feeling isolated, please know that you don’t have to do this alone. It’s okay to reach out, admit you need help, and intentionally build your village. It takes both courage and effort, but putting yourself out there and making connections is worth it. One time, I saw a young mom at church with little kids similar to mine. A little voice in my head said, “No, don’t approach,” but I fought it and said, “I can.” One simple hello turned into a friendship. We’ve since moved away from each other, but for that short time, we were each other’s small village.

And remember, even when human support feels lacking, God never leaves you. Lean on prayer and faith — He will open doors and guide you to the right people.

You’ve got this, mama. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and your village is out there waiting to be found.

Real-life family photo attempt 💕 Raising kids close in age is challenging, but such a gift. Motherhood has stretched me, shaped me, and continues to grow me in virtue. To all young moms—this journey is the hardest and yet the most rewarding of all.

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